Are you going or leaving..?

Taken today as I attended a funeral at the Bukit Kiara cemetery (Al Fatihah). No I am not writing about death or the after life but there is some relevance..of which I'll come back to.

Three years ago I was at a cross roads, of whether I should stay at a company I've worked for 14 years or make a move. It was not an easy decision. There were so many things to consider. Even when I did my usual list of upsides and downsides in my head, I had to put weightage on each item! Naturally, I spoke to many for their advice. 

And one of them asked me…"Are you going or are you leaving?"

I paused. 

See, this guy is your typical Cambridge graduate with a high flying international career and excellent track record. Smart and intelligent. I am always amazed at how his mind works but his slightly nerdish ways never made me feel uncomfortable with the level of intelligence he possessed. He is a cool friend to have (calm down, it's not Stephen Hawking). I thought, ok this was maybe a high IQ question I don't get. 

So I asked, what do you mean am I going or leaving??

And this was the explanation.

Look at the reasons of making the move. Are they because of the things you want to achieve and acquire from the new place (which means you're GOING) or are they because they are driven by things/situations/people in your existing place (which means you're LEAVING). 

Bam! One simple question that simplified the list in my head (which by then had grown to be a cobweb of decision tree…)

If you're deciding whether you should make a move, a better reason to do it is because you're going and not because you're leaving. 

And as I looked at the rows and rows of reserved cemetery space today, I remembered my friend and his question. I believe it also applies to making our everyday choices on how we live our lives..

Are we living as if we're going or leaving…?